Archive for the ‘Funny/Humor’ Category

Dumb Quotes by Celebrities (Originally posted 11-30-2006)

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Greg

I saw someone post these in a group and I thought they were a riot! lol!

If you have intercourse, you run the risk of dying, and the ramifications of death are final.
– Cyndi Lauper

I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.
– Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”
- Brooke Shields

“I feel my best when I’m happy.” – Winona Ryder

“I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them.” – George Bush

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”
- Miss Alabama, 1994 Miss USA Pageant

‘I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.’
Britney Spears

‘I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.’
Alicia Silverstone

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
~Mariah Carey~

Another Hilarious Sign! (Originally posted 10-17-2006)

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Greg
I’ll post some more in the upcoming days, they’re already on my harddrive!

A Funny Sign! (Originally posted 10-17-2006)

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Greg

Another Funny Picture! (Originally posted 10-17-2006)

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Greg
At a Veternarian!

A Hilarious Picture! (Originally posted 10-17-2006)

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Greg
I thought this picture was hilarious so i thought I’d post it! I’ve got more I’ll post soon!

Interesting True Facts (Originally posted on 8-19-2006)

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Greg

In 1659, it was illegal to celebrate Christmas in Massachusetts.

Brad Pitt has been smoking since the sixth grade!

In America in 1977, the punishment for smuggling marijiuana was 15 years less than the punishment for smuggling coffee!

In its ancient form the carrot was purple not orange!

68 percent of a Hostess Twinkie is air!

Ralph Lauren’s original name is Ralph Lifshitz.

A real estate agents rule of thumb: To estimate what a house will sell for, ask the owner what its worth and subtract 10%.

Nazi leader Adolf Hitler had only one testicle.

Unless you have a doctor’s note, its illegal to buy ice cream after 6 p.m. in Newark, New Jersey.

Organized crime is estimated to account for 10% of the United States’ national income.

A baboon called Jackie became a private in the South African army in World War I.

25% of your bones are located in your feet.

The male platypus has poisonous spurs on its legs.

315 entries in Webster’s 1996 dictionary were mispelled.

It’s against the law to burp or sneeze in a church in Omaha, Nebraska.

One quarter of the human brain is used to control the eyes.

The average child will eat 1,500 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches by the he/she graduates from high school.

Cats cannot taste sweet things.

Drew Carey once worked at a Denny’s.

Henry Ford, father of the Automobile, is also father of the charcoal briquette.

There is more real lemon juice in Lemon Pledge furniture polish than in Country Time Lemonade.

Despite the hump, a camel’s spine is straight.

An apple, potato, and onion all taste the same if you eat them with your nose plugged.

Pretzels were originally invented for Christian Lent.

Queen Elizabeth II has a rubber duck in her private bath with an inflatable crown.

Before toilet paper was invented, French royalty wiped their bottoms with fine linen.

President George W. Bush was once a cheerleader!

Jimmy Carter is the first U.S. President to have been born in a hospital.

The Statue of Liberty is a lighthouse.

People with blue eyes are better able to see in the dark.

The octopus’ testicles are located in its head.

Clocks made before 1660 had only one hand – an hour hand.

In Ancient Greece, if a woman watched even one Olympic event, she was executed.

Fingernails grow fastest on the hand you favor.

More than 25% of the world’s forests are in Siberia.

The search engine Google got its name from the word googol, which refers to the number one with a hundred zeros after it.

Only 1 out of 700 identity thieves gets caught!

Half of all identity thieves are either relatives, friends, or neighbors of their victims.

It snows more in the Grand Canyon than it does in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Giraffes are unable to cough.

Napoleon constructed his battle plans in a sandbox.

An American urologist once bought Napoleon’s penis for $40,000.

By feeding hens certain dyes they can be made to lay eggs with multi-colored yolks.

Sales of Rolaids, Alka-Seltzer, and Tums jump 20% in December

The United States Postal Service handles over forty percent of the world’s mail volume.

Unlike dogs, pigs, and some other mammals, humans cannot taste water. They taste only the chemicals and impurities in the water.

Mexico City is sinking at a rate of 18 inches per year!

You weigh less at the top of a mountain than at sea level.

It’s illegal in Alabama to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

It’s illegal in Phoenix, arizona to hunt camels!

It’s illegal in Phoenix, Arizona to wash your donkey in a bathtub!

It’s illegal in Glendale, Arizona to drive backwards!

A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second.

14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.

In the great fire of London, in 1666, half of London was burnt down but only 6 people were injured.

Every day, the average person swallows about a quart of mucous.

A car traveling 100 mph would take more than 29 million years to reach the nearest star.

Florida has more tornados per square mile than any other state.

Women buy four out of every 10 condoms sold.

The average human body contains enough iron to make a small nail.

The average U.S. farm has 467 acres; the average Japanese farm has 3 acres.

Honey is used sometimes for antifreeze mixtures and in the center of golf balls.

Approximately 70,000 people in the U.S. are both blind and deaf!

Natural gas has no smell. The odor is artificially added so that people will be able to identify leaks and take measures to stop them.

Nylon is made from coal and petroleum.

Only 1% of bacteria cause disease in humans!

It takes a drop of ocean water more than 1,000 years to circulate around the world.

In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice-cream in your back pocket.

The U.S. militarys dried food rations can be re-hydrated with urine!

The United States has the highest minimum drinking age in the world.

There are no penguins in the North Pole.

There are 10 towns named Hollywood in the United States.

The faster a kangaroo hops, the less energy it burns!

While humans and most species are divided into only two sexes, mushrooms contain over 36,000 sexes!

Cats make over 100 different vocal sounds; dogs can make about ten.

The Canary Islands were not named after a bird called the canary. They were named after a breed of dogs!

35% of the people using personal ads for dating are already married!

German chemists made a replica of a trophy the size of one molecule.

Mexican Jumping Beans jump because of moth larvae inside them.

Hong Kong has more Rolls Royces per person than anywhere else in the world.

The female pigeon cannot lay eggs if she is alone. In order for her ovaries to function, she must be able to see another pigeon.

-40 degrees Celsius is equal to -40 degrees Fahrenheit.

Coconuts kill more people in the world than sharks do. Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts.

Most dust particles in your house come from dead skin.

Jackie Kennedy Onassis was secretly a chain smoker.

‘Formicophilia’ is the fetish for having small insects crawl on your genitals.

Cold water weighs more than hot water.

It is illegal to be a prostitute in Siena, Italy, if your name is Mary.

Children are poisoned most frequently by eating harmful plants.

The streets of Victor, Colorado, once a gold rush town, are paved with low-grade gold.

Mexico has more American residents than any other country except the United States.

Europe is the only continent without a desert.

Astronauts cannot burp in space.

More boys than girls are born during the day; more girls are born at night.

Donkeys are commonly used by the Iraqi Military to launch rockets!

Beelzebub is Hebrew for ‘Lord of the Flies’.

The WD in WD-40 stands for Water Displacer.

Greyhounds have the best eyesight of any breed of dog.

Watermelons can cost up to $100 in Japan!

More than 90% of shark attack victims survive.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

Kleenex tissues were originally used as filters in gas masks.

A comet’s tail always points away from the sun.

At age 70, more than 70 percent of men are still potent!

Hummingbirds can’t walk.

There have been 47 Charlie Chan Movies, with six actors playing the part. None were Chinese!

Leonardo da Vinci was dyslexic, and he often wrote backwards.

In France, it is legal to marry a dead person!

Due to gravitational effects, you weigh slightly less when the moon is directly overhead.

Your hair grows faster in the morning than at any other time of day.

The average chocolate bar has 8 insects’ legs in it.

Female canaries cannot sing.

The most popular condom sold in Taiwan is only 4.2 inches long!

Sound at the right vibration can bore holes through a solid object.

Famous billionaire Howard Hughes stored his own urine in large bottles.

In ancient China, people committed suicide by eating a pound of salt.

The U.S. army packs Tabasco pepper sauce in every ration kit that they give to soldiers.

Bluebirds cannot see the color blue.

A cubic mile of ordinary fog contains less than a gallon of water.

In the U.S., more than 10% of lottery prizes go unclaimed!

Children are more allergic to cockroaches than they are to cats!

People that suffer from gum disease are twice as likely to have a stroke or heart attack.

Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button.

At room temperature, the average air molecule travels at the speed of a rifle bullet.

Babies that are breastfed are more likely to be slimmer as adults than those that are not breastfed.

Household bleach is the recommended chemical to decontaminate people exposed to the anthrax virus, by the U.S. F.D.A. .

Yahoo! was originally called ‘Jerry’s Guide to the World Wide Web’.

In 1910 football teams were penalized 15 yards for an incompleted forward pass.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

There is no tipping at restaurants in Japan.

Nearly 30% of female lottery winners hide their winning ticket in their bras.

Jumbo jets use 4,000 gallons of fuel to take off .

20252 is Smokey the Bear’s own zip code.

Your skeleton keeps growing until you are about 35, then you start to shrink.

The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific Ocean.

The lifespan of the common goldfish is over 20 years!

If a car is travelling at 55 miles per hour it will travel 56 feet before the driver can shift his foot from the accelerator to the brake.

Rudyard Kipling refused to write with anything other than black ink.

Just one in three consumers pays off his or her credit card bill every month.

Ducks will only lay eggs early in the morning.

This year, more than 2.5 million books will be shipped with the wrong covers!

If Wal-Mart was classified as a country, it would be the 24th most productive country in the world.

In Mexico, the Tooth Fairy is known as the ‘Tooth Mouse’.

Malaysians protect their babies from disease by bathing them in beer.

Every Alaskan citizen over the age of 6 months receives an oil dividend check of about $1000 per year!

One million people each year are bitten by animals in the United States.

Annually, the amount of garbage that is dumped in the world’s oceans is three times the weight of fish that is caught from the oceans.

Three Mile Island is only 2 1/2 miles long.

More than 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people.

Mussolini dodged the Italian draft.

The most dangerous job in the United States is that of an Alaskan Crab Fisherman.

Jacksonville, Florida, has the largest total area of any city in the United States.

The leading cause of poisoning for children under the age of six in the home is liquid dish soap.

Many people in parts of China eat insects. Some common insects are bean worms, scoprions, and locusts.

Honolulu is the only place in the United States that has a royal palace.

Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second.

Blue eyes are the most sensitive to light, dark brown the least sensitive.

C3PO is the first character to speak in Star Wars.

Dandelion root can be roasted and ground as a coffee substitute.

Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison were all 27 years old when they died.

The chances of you dying on the way to get your lottery tickets is greater than your chances of winning.

When a giraffe’s baby is born it falls from a height of six feet, normally without being hurt.

In ancient Rome it was considered a sign of leadership to be born with a crooked nose.

The Dallas/Ft. Worth airport is larger than New York City’s Manhattan Island.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

The average office worker spends 50 minutes a day looking for lost files and other items.

Technically speaking, crystal glass is actually a Liquid that flows very slowly.

Flu shots only work about 70% of the time.

U-Haul is the world’s largest advertiser in the Yellow Pages.

Goat’s milk is used more widely throughout the world than cow’s milk.

55.2% of us will let someone else come in the bathroom while they’re using the toilet.

The average housewife walks 10 miles a day around the house doing her chores.

The United States produces more tobacco than it does wheat.

Fine-grained volcanic ash can be found as an ingredient in some toothpastes.

All babies are color blind when they are born.

To take an oath, ancient Romans put a hand on their testiclesthats where the word testimony comes from.

A 100-pound person on Earth would weigh 38 pounds on Mars.

Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada has the most bars per capita than anywhere else in the world.

Dog owners in Turin, Italy can be fined up to $650 if they don’t walk their dog at least three times a day!

It takes Several hundred thousand years for newly made photons (light) to travel from the core of the sun to it’s surface.

An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards.

In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch or clock is usually 10:10.

When you eat too much, your hearing becomes less sharp.

Linen is actually stronger when wet.

Virgina Woolf wrote all her books standing.

The man who created the Thighmaster was once a Bhuddist Monk.

In 1976 an LA secretary named Jannene Swift officially married a 50 pound rock in a ceremony witnessed by more than 20 people.

The average tastebud lives only 10 days before it dies and is replaced by a new one.

Mosquitoes prefer children to adults, blondes to brunettes.

The little bags of netting for gas lanterns (called ‘mantles’) are radioactive…so much so that they will set of an alarm at a nuclear reactor.

Heineken beer is designed to ‘foam’ for exactly five minutes.

A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.

If youre typical, you can guess someones sex with 95% accuracy just by smelling their breath.

Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

All Humans Are 99.9% Genetically Identical and 98.4% of human genes are the same as the genes of a chimpanzee.

The largest diamond ever found was an astounding 3,106 carats!

More than 6,000 people with pillow-related injuries check into U.S. emergency rooms every year!

You inhale about 700,000 of your own skin flakes each day.

35,000 people in the U.S. will die from the flu annually.

The weight of air in a milk glass is about the same as the weight of one aspirin tablet.

A moth has no stomach.

In high school, Robin Williams was voted ‘Least Likely to Succeed.’

The average coach airline meal costs the airline $4.00. The average first class meal: $50.

Of all things, Andrew Jacksons tombstone does not mention that he served as the president of the United States!

German soldiers, both heterosexual and homosexual, are allowed to have sex with each other!

Young children can entirely regrow lost fingertips above the top joint, including the bone, skin and nail!

Oak trees do not have acorns until they are fifty years old or older.

Before 1933, the dime was legal as payment only in transactions of $10 or less.

A polar bear’s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

The first telephone book was one page long and had only 50 names in it.

The storage capacity of human brain exceeds 4 Terrabytes.

Oak trees are struck by lightning more than any other tree.

An average adult produces about half a liter of flatulent gas per day, resulting in an average of about fourteen occurrences of flatulence a day.

Tomatoes were originally thought to be poisonous.

Currently, 70% of U.S. businesses do NOT have a website.

A toothbrush within 6 feet of a toilet can get airborne bacteria from flushing.

Albert Einstien never wore any socks.

Racehorses can wear out new horse shoes in one race.

George Washington grew marijuana in his garden.

A person swallows approximately 295 times while eating dinner.

The typical shower is 101 degrees F.

Until 1834, it was illegal for any soldier of the U.S. Army to carry the American flag into battle.

You share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world.

James Bond is also known as Mr. Kiss-Kiss-Bang-Bang.

Bill Gates’ house was designed using a Macintosh computer.

Infants spend more time dreaming than adults do.

There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of these, only 26 have been tested, and half caused cancer in rats.

From the age of thirty, humans gradually begin to shrink in size.

The average American uses eight times as much fuel energy as an average person anywhere else in the world.

During the Gold Rush in 1849, some people paid as much as $100 for a glass of water!

Some toothpastes and deodorants contain the same chemicals found in antifreeze.

A blue whale’s heart is the size of a Volkswagen Beetle!

At horse race tracks, the favorite wins fewer than 30% of the time!

There are only 14 blimps in the world.

On Sunday, it is illegal to sell cornflakes in Columbus, Ohio.

‘Bimbo’ is a brand of soft drink manufactured and marketed by Coca-Cola, Inc.

The phrase ‘rule of thumb’ is derived from and old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge, a quarter has 119.

If you shake a can of mixed nuts, the larger ones will rise to the top.

Approximately 25,000 workers died during the building of the Panama Canal, and approximately 20,000 of them contracted malaria and yellow fever.

The chemicals indole and skatole, which help to account for the particular smell of human feces, are used as ingredients in perfume!

It is illegal to purchase or consume Jack Daniel’s Whiskey in the town in which it is produced!

A marine catfish can taste with any part of its body.

The chances of making two holes-in-one in a round of golf are one in 67 million.

You Know You’re From Arizona When… (Originally posted 8-18-2006)

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Greg

Some of these are duplicates of the Phoenix one…
You Know You’re From Arizona When…
You’ve signed so many petitions to recall governors you can’t remember the name of the incumbent.

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.

You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour…and it will be over 100 degrees.

You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You run your a/c in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.

The best parking is determined by shade…..not distance.

You realize that “Valley Fever” isn’t a disco dance.

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept right at the checkout counter.

You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.

Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse…..some fools actually try to jog.

You know hot air balloons can’t rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.

No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.

You see two trees fighting over a dog.

You can say “Hohokam” and people don’t think you’re laughing funny

You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River

You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves

You can pronounce”Saguaro”, “Tempe”, “San Xavier”, “Canyon de Chelly”, “Mogollon Rim”, and “Cholla”

You can understand the reason for a town named “Why”

You can fry an egg on the hood of a car IN THE MORNING!

You hear people say “but it’s a DRY heat!”

You buy salsa by the gallon.

Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags.

You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.

You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.

Most of the restaurants in town have the first name “El” or “Los.”

You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.

Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.

Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.

Most homes have more firearms than people.

Kids will ask, “What’s a mosquito?”

People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.

You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you’re wearing shorts.

If you haven’t worked for Motorola at some time, you must be a newcomer.

You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Arizona.

You Know You’re From Phoenix When… (Originally posted on 8-18-2006)

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Greg

Well, I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, i lived their 26 years, so it had to be done! These are a riot! I hate Phoenix for the most part!
You Know You’re From Phoenix When…
#
You buy salsa by the gallon.

#
Your Christmas decorations includes a half a yard of sand and l00 paper bags.

#
You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

#
All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.

#
You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.

#
Most of the restaurants in town have the first name “El” or “Los”.

#
You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.

#
You’ve signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can’t remember the name of the incumbent.

#
Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.

#
You can say Hohokam and people don’t think you’re laughing funny.

#
You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.

#
Every other vehicle is a 4×4.

#
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.

#
People break out coats when temperature drops below 70.

#
The pool can be warmer than you are.

#
Most homes have more firearms than people.

#
Kids will ask, “What’s a mosquito?”

#
People with black cars or have black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.

#
The AC Service Man is on your list of best friends.

#
Monday Night Football starts at 7:00 instead of 6:00.

#
You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.

#
The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.

#
You can (correctly) pronounce the words: “Saguaro”, “Tempe”, “Gila Bend”, “San Xavier”, “Canyon de Chelly”, “Mogollon Rim”, “Cholla”, and “Ajo”.

You Know You’re From Cincinatti When… (Originally posted by 8-17-2006)

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Greg

I’ve only been living in Cincinnati, Ohio for a little over a month and I get most of these!
You know you’re from Cincinnati When…
Your idea of a three-way is chilli over spaghetti topped with cheddar

You know what goetta is – and you’ve eaten it

You hate Cleveland, but you don’t know why, and you’ve never been there

You think Pete Rose and Marge Schott were railroaded

You say “Please?” instead of “Excuse me?”

You think Northern Kentucky is part of Ohio

You’ve been to California, Wyoming, Coney Island, and Over-the-Rhine in one day

There are less than 100 murders a year, and you still think you’re in Detroit

You think Dayton is a Third World country

What groundhog? It’s the St. Patrick’s Day parade leprechaun that forecasts how much longer winter will last.

Losing football teams draw more fans than winning baseball teams.

Indiana is about 20 miles away, but it takes about four hours to get there.

It’s too cold in the winter, and too hot and humid in the summer, to ever stay outside for very long.

You drive to Columbus or Louisville to avoid the prices at the Cincinnati airport.

City council members hold debates on whether or not they should debate in the first place.

Tourists still flock downtown to catch a glimpse of cast members from “WKRP,” even though the show hasn’t aired on network television since 1984, and the show was filmed in LA anyway.

You ask lifetime residents where the President Taft house is, but they don’t know either.

If you do something — anything — in public long enough, sooner or later it will be banned.

Your low-fat diet is never low enough to exclude Graeter’s ice cream.

You get through winter listening to Marty and Joe’s broadcasts from the grapefruit leagues.

Big Red Smokies are a ballpark treat, not cause to dial 9-1-1.

If necessary, the city could easily be sliced into two new cities: East and West, and it would take 20 years for anyone to notice something happened.

Chocolate and cinnamon, not peppers and beans, are in your chili.

You can drive 30 minutes in any direction to hear a different accent than your own.

You can accurately judge people’s social status by which Kroger’s store they frequent.

You can go to any church festival in any neighborhood on any weekend and see at least five people you either work with, went to school with, or dated.

Even the slightest mention of former baseball commissioner A. Bartlett Giamatti makes your blood boil and your ears steam.

If the temperature hits 45 degrees, and the sun comes out in any month between November and April, people walk around downtown wearing shades and no jackets.

The top stories on the local 6 o’clock evening news look suspiciously like the articles you read in the newspaper that very morning — and even use the same quotes.

Any carbonated beverage is a “coke.”

Your favorite convenient store sounds like a labor union.

You can’t hear the words “Mike Brown” without getting angry.

You honestly believe that Pete Rose should be in the Baseball Hall Fame.

You have more stadiums, coliseums, and arenas than you know what to do with.

It doesn’t seem weird to you that everyone has an Uncle Al.

Your favorite Coney Island isn’t in New York.

You like Nick Clooney better than George Clooney.

You know how Jerry Springer got his start.

You know what a pony keg is.

You have friends and neighbors with names like Machenheimer, Guckenberger, Schlottman, Schoenling, and Schweitering.

You know that cars (like eggs) are cheaper in the country.

An all-boys or all-girls school doesn’t seem that odd to you

You think a mixed marriage is when an East Sider marries a West Sider.

You know the difference between Hudy and “Who Dey.”

You know what cream ale is, and you think that cream soda should be bright red.

You think Kentucky is only slightly more civilized than Afghanistan.

You know in which state the Greater Cincinnati Airport is located.

You actually understand the word, “CRAVE” and white castle burgers.

You can almost name the seven “hills” minus one or two.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Cincinnati.

You Know You’re From Ohio When (Originally posted 8-17-2006)

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Greg

I’m trying to post a blog everyday. I’ve only been living in Ohio for a little over a month and I’ve been here two other times, but I get these jokes!
You Know You’re From Ohio When…
You’ve never met any celebrities.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
“Vacation” means driving through Hocking Hills or going to King’s Island.
You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
You measure distance in minutes.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
Your school classes were cancelled because of cold.
Your school classes were cancelled because of heat.
You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
You think ethanol makes your truck “run a lot better.”
You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July.
Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.
You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.
Example: “Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to the mall I wanna go with.”
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know what “cow tipping” or “Possum Kicking” is.
You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
You think that deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find -20 degrees F “a little chilly”.
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.

You don’t think of Florida first when someone mentions Miami.

You snicker when someone’s from Tiffin, because you think of the State Hospital.

You think Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange!

You’ve heard of 3.2 beer.

Schools close for the state basketball tournament.

You’re proud of your state fair, but would rather go to Cedar Point.

You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.

You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candy ones.

“Toward the lake” means “north” and “toward the river” means “south.”

You’ve heard of the Great Nickel Beer Night Riot.

You know if other Ohioians are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths.

You root for a college team though you’ve never taken a class there.

You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, and Tuscarawas

You always visit more than two amusement parks in one summer.

You know that Serpent Mounds were not made by snakes.

You know what game they’re playing when the Mud Hens take on the Clippers.

Vacation” means spending a day at Cedar Point or King’s Island.

Down south to you means Kentucky.

You thought that the Michael Stanley Band was the most popular band in the country.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Ohio.