https://www.paypal.me/gregloucks
https://www.givesendgo.com/gregwalkamerica
Why am I doing this? I ran out of time to tell my whole story testimony right now. I will add more to it later. You will know my whole story or a lot of it eventually but it is a novel at this point. I wrote most of my testimony and story on my old blog on my old site. It took a lot of work and days to write. Then it got added to with several more posts of updates. I’m expecting to get laughed at and criticized and told “just get a job” by people. I am kind of used to it. I have tried crowd funding before and maybe got $50 before. I got more attacks then anything saying “just get a job”
I am not doing this because I want to I am doing this because I have to I ran out of options. So I am taking a big risk that it won’t work or maybe it’sw crazy enough that it will. I am expecting haters anhd scofers. People are cruel. Shame on you if you are one. l had this idea before over a year ago. Actually my idea was to ride a unicycle across the country. Then more recently it was to just walk across the country. I can’t afford a unicycle right now. Even though I can ride one. I’m kind of glad that long of a distance would be severely uncomfortable and could mess up my manhood.
I have been trying to avoid doing this but I ran out of hope and I am desperate now.
My first version of my testimony I want to say. Please show some compassion. Please help if you can. Pray if you can. Please share. Pleaae help make go viral. That’s the main reason I do this to make a fundraiser go viral.
Anyone out there who thinks the system is easy or people are just lazy and don’t want to work. You couldn’t be more wrong! Stop judging people! If you haven’t walked in their shoes you have no right to judge. I will add more to my story and maybe give a novel version one day. But for now. I will write this and add more later.
I don’t make claims I had the roughest childhood ever. I don’t like sharing up or opening up like this at all. Most people don’t even realize how hard it is for me and most to do something like this. Tell their embarassing story and put themselves out there. Be prone to attacks. Think I want to do this tell my story and how bad my life is now ands walk across the country like this? Not at all. I see no other way out.
I may not have had the roughest child ever. To make such a claim would be to know everyone’s story and compare. All I can say is my childhood was rough for me. I really don’t like people feeling sorry for me and I don’t trhink of myself as victim. But now I realize I deserve better than I have gotten the last 3 years! I need a way out and this I think may be it.
I grew up with mental illness. Elementary school was fine but middle school and high school were rough. I was made fun of a lot. Saying I had few friends would be a lie. I had no friends. Even unfortunately I make a claim to this day that even teachers made fun of me. My 7th grade math teacher Mr Kirkpatrick what an ass hole. He egged on the students in class to make fun of me and quote enjoyed it and laughed about it. Next day he calls detention officer and says I was rowdy in class. What? So I spent some time I can’t remember exactly how long in detention. I was a good kid. Threw under the bus. I couldn’t believe it I always tried to be a good kid. Even to this day even after all of this I have no drug, alcohol, sex or porn addictions and never have. I know when you read and learn more you’d feel most people would have feel into drugs and alcohol after all of this.
Growing up my dad scared me I coujldn’t place my finger on it but he wasn’t nice to my mom either. I heard him screaming at her at times in their rooms. My older brother David didn’t like him much either.
At the dining room table he was cold and callous. He was silent for most of it. He even acted like at dinner shut up I don’t want to be bothered. Most dinners at our table were quiet. My brother David would go hang out with his friends at night. And come home right at curfew on the dot or just past but Barely sometimes. My mom and I would be in our living room watching tv all night until we both went to bed. My dad would be on the other side of the house in the living room with his headphones on and ignoring everybody. I don’t remember many good times with my dad. I knew first hand when my dad did anything with me my mom made him do it. Like the only time he ever took me to a juggling club in the park across town. Where I learned how to juggle. I juggle to this day. He took me to a Phoenix Suns game a couple times too. He participated in my cub scout and boy scout meetings som,etimkes. I never felt close to my dad.
On weekends I was a smart kid I knew my mom was afraid of my dad too. Most weeknds since my dad was home she took me all day shopping, most often window shopping too to eat awqay at the day and out to eat. She seemed to enjoy doing things with me more than my dad. I don’t think my dad ever really loved my mom.
I remember when they got divorced. I know my dad wanted it. Buit what did he do? He invited his parents my grandparents over and told my grandparents my mom wants a divorce. It turens out my dad told her he didn’t think he wanted to be married anymore and when he didn’t do anything about it my mom went to pursue it and seek professionals.
When they were getting divorced my mental illness probably hit the worse. I didn’t really like them getting divorce. I think I was 17 then. My dad was supposed to see me on the weekends and after one time said I don’t want to do this anymore. Told my mom. For most of my adult life my dad would email me a happy birthday and on Christmas a Merry Christmas. But bringing up having a relationship with me in email he is like why would I do that. He used my religious and political beliefs as an excuse. What possibe things could we have in common. It was just aqn excuse though. He really was anti social with the whole world. And for the most part remains that way to this day. Looking back I kn ow now he is a narcissist but really I think he always was. He is a hardcore barcissist now.
To make a long story short. I have struggled mny whole life. Now looking back I literally shutdown I became completely withdrawn from the world. It became a habit. After how I was made fun of in school and skipping school I ran away into myself. I experienced this on and off for like my whole life. I think I got the wrong diagnosis as a young adult. I recently found out about a Japanese diagnosis called hikikimori. It’s complete social withdrawl. I later find out how badly it effected me. Unfortunately even though I feel about healed and set free of this the world still wants to use how it effrected every part of my life against me.
When I was 18 living with my mom we both were looking for a church to go to. I was not really raised in church. It was interesting it took my parentrs to divorce for my mom to decide we need to find a church. We ended up finding one where we were both sdaved born again or accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior at.
Something was still terrible wrong though. I still struggled with mental ilness. Had I known now then things woulkd be way different and I would have been saved from problems I had to endure.
Some guy showed up to church at one time. His name was Jim Simmons. He became an usher at the large church my mom and I went to for aswhile, And looking back whoa. At one point my mom started dating him. I remember we lived way on the far west valley of Phoenix so we met him and his son Jared at the church. We took their car to the movies together and got back in time for church. After service we took our car home. Riding with mom she did something I will never forget. She was driving on the highway swerving and driving real fast. She said you don’t like Kim do you as she slapped me across the face. I was so scared of her driving I actually thought for a little bit she was going to kill us both she said I might as well drive us off of South Mountain. So I thought in order to save my life maybe I need to jump out of the car a moving vehicle that’s how real and scary the situation was. At one point she calmed down and slowed down and seemed normal again and turned around and got to our exit. Maybe my prayers worked. Bringing this up to her later I didn’t like her resaponse. She was just kidding. Trying to get my attention. Trying to get my attention from what?
After my mom started dating Jim awhile our dogs would do what they never did. They began escaping our yard and running away all the time. I’d usually be able to get them back.
One day my step dad Jim after they got married decided to kick me out and I had no where to go. At one point I was diagnosed with mental ilness and got approved for SSI social security disability. After it takes awhile to get approved he ended up stealing my backpay. The church I tithed 10% of it too a very large church in Phoenix when I needed them after what my step dad did had me fill out a benevolence fund and refused to help after. So I give them 10% of a large check and when I need their help they don’t help me? This is still a very famous church to this day and I could so give them a bad name. I began seeing how most churches are.
After my step dad did what he did I was trying to get back on my feet but instead of churches being there for me they weren’t/ They acted like the still mental problems was bad enough to think I wasn’t truly saved. They made me feel worse. Instead of getting help they all kept rejecting me. I can go into that a lot more later.
Finally after wasting about 4 years because most churches don’t do deliverance asd healing and walk in the holy spirit I met my friend Jay in Phoenix. I met him on a Christian men’s retreat. He told me about the same thing I was seeing on Christian TV TBN that deliverance and demons are a real thing and they are linked to trauma, generational curses and things you don’t even bring upon yourself. Yes I started going to deliverance meetings with Jay and I started ewxperiencing freedom. I also started going to prophetic meetings with Jay. I got baptizsed in the holy spirit and speaking in tongues. I questionmed if I should include this and maybe I won’t get as much support because I know a lot of churches don’t believe in this stuff and shun trhis stuff so I didn’t want to scare people away of their suppoort. But I did decide to include it partly because it’s my story. I can say some of my beleifs and doctreine are different then they used to be. I am a human being who has giotten the shaft from the system. Do I deserve more from people?
At one point I was in Cincinnati Ohio and Hot Springs Arkansas. I think I was still doing old habits and it became easy getting a check to do it. Where I was still withdrawing and wanted to be left alone. It’s like God has healed me over a long period of time in stages. I wasn’t ready to join the workforce I have alwaysd felt God had a greater big call on my life. If you are really called and chosen it’s almost hard to just serttle and do mediocre jobs and tasks. I got a habit iof just not working and hoping one day God would open up doors to what I was called to but at the time I still wasn’t completely sure what that was. I just knew film making was one of my draws. But do you know how hard that is to get into?
My mom and I lost contact because of what my dad did. I did end up moving back to live with her after a lot of trauma I went through living in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Another long story.
My mom lived in Williams, Arizona for a long time. In northern Arizona. She moved up there after she married my esx step dad Jim. I was so glad that she divorced him. For a few years I lived with her. I could not get a job. Polus wiliams was so small the job market was limited.
I was going back to college. But online. At one point we ran into my dad at Sam’s Club in Flagstaff, Arizona and I saw him first my mom was elsewhere. He looked at me like he had not seen me in awhile like is that my son. I said hi. Then my mom came over and said hi to him. At first it felt like my mom was right what she said for years that one day my dad weould regret not knowing me. Now after what he put me through I wish I kept walking. He told me on the phone that he loved me and explained how he became more giivng towards people in need and couold relate to me. Well after experiencing homelessness from my ex step dad and then finding the help I needed I did become more like that.
What my mom and I saw as a Godsend him coming back into our life became a nightmare. He would come over acting very weird. Shaking. Saying how important his fake friend Dianne who I later learned was a jezebel witch controlling him was. He literally gives all of his money to her and her fake autistic son Richard. He uses autism as an excuse so he can be quiet and not talk to my dad. When I met Dianne and Richard they were very weird.
He began screaming like a maniac on the phone scaring me. The first time hre did that was at 3am after earlier that evening me telling him dad Dianne is using you. Sorry but my dad has demons to scream like that.
I didn’t know what the otheer part of my dad was until later. I figured it out. He is a total narcissist. I looked up the dfefinition and descripotion of a narcfissist through writings and videos. He fit all of them from every thing I read and every video I watched.
He tried pushing me to believe the way he does. I remember when I was 16 my mom coming out of her bedroom with me and David sitting on the courch yelling your dad is wearing my underwear. He would admit he still had this problem though we never saw it. I know some may attack me we are supposed tro accept that now. When it is your dad it is very weird.
I don’t know how muich I want to and talk about my dad right now in this brief summary of my trestimony I am writing now. But my dad has lost his mind. Living with him for about a month was a nightmare every day. He likes to scream all the time. Paces back and forth and breatehs heavily. Loves cursing and insulting everybody. My mom stopped talkiong toi him after the 2024 election and he asked her she voted for and staqrting screaming at her about it. At one point when I was still with her he just wouldn’t leave me a lone kept pushing me and pushing me now that I know what a narcissist does. If you don’t agree withy them they try pushingh you to do so and if you don’t they get very mad.
He kept pushing me and pushing me. He was just getting worse and worse. We noticed it wqas the bad influence of dianne and richardx too. It became clear they were important then we were. He wantsw to pay Dianne and Richard all of his money so they never are homeless but now I have been facing that for 3 years. Homelessness on and off.
He gets mad if you see his texts and make sure you see them and if you don’t respond right away he gets mad. Living with him he would get mad at my mom or my Uncle Doug not looking at his texts. And scream about them. In that short time he managed to get a church the Unitarian Universalist church he went to very upset. I herard his side to the story but apparently always with him he is causing all of this but to him and in his own mind he always a victim. The pastor told him he must be on bhis best behavior so he stopped going. He managed to get himself kicked out of a place that does his nails. I began seeing he now living with him wears eye liner and stupid eye lashes and nail polish all the time. And he wears a dress and pads himself uptop and goes to his therapist appointment that way. All he ever does is bad mouth everybody all the time and how sicdk he is of them like my mom and my uncle doug and even my uncle ghordon who has more of his political views. He was alienating everyone. You just can’t get aslong with him. He got baqnnerd from a local business that does his nails. He then told me it was jisw second. Every day living with him for a month was a livcing nightmare it wasn’t just once a day but several times a day yelling and acting like a complete maniac. I began seering I would never get another dime from him. He became totally obsessed with giving evetyuthing to Dianne. He would yell at bank tellers. He said he wanted to make an appointment with one bank teller just so he could come in and yell at her and flip her off and he was going to walk by her window at the bank and intimate her and flip her off. He was laughing and mocking her because the appointment he made with her he could tell she was intimidated by his demeanor. He thought it was funny. So mock hewr and to me. He was getting upset that he was losing his money from his careless actions being scammed and calling it fraud. If he makes transactions with a fake crypto currency company from Chiona taking from him. His bank is not going to rule in his favor calling it fraud when they are his transactionsd. He can’t understand basic concepts like that. I would have to point out stupid things like that. Or his paypal email was automated. He loved yelling and telling Paypal off too. One time I am in Safeway with him he yells to a guy already standing there hey back up.
The guy let him cut him off but under his breath was cursing at my dad and my dad wanted me to stand between him and the guy to guard and protect my dad. After what he did. If the guy swings I will not protect you dad. Buty bhecaue he is a narcisst I could never comfrtont him about him on any of this. He was always losinjg stuff too. Always. He is losing his mkind and getting worse the longer he is with Dianne and Richard. He ended up getting a big inheritancve from my grandparewnts he used it on her instead of me. Also as a narcisst he loved accusing of what true accusations were. I say Dianne was using him. I got accused of using him because I stopped talking to him and couldn’t put up with it any longer.
When I was still close to him somewhat I said he needed to go to deliverance. At one point he said I may be right but that suddenly cvhanged because I was the one vwho was truly helping him and saw what he really needed. The only thing I felt and to this day feel is the only thing that will truly help him. It is sad and unfortunate just like when I needed it deliverance miniastry was hard near impossible to find. I found one not in Flagstaff but all the way in Phoenix. I almost talked him into going but he just got worse and worse.
I stopped talking to him so he got suspicious of me. I stopped talking to him because how do you open to someone critical all the time? I would catch him by asking if he told Dianne stuff he’d admit he did. Then he’d get mad that I didn’t like that. If we called her out he’ds get mad. But he was allowed to insult my mom and me and say how Dianne really felt. We always heard about how great Dianne is. He clearly got some soul tie atttachment to her and got obsessed with her. I wish he never met her but he did. And it is clear who put her in his life.
My dad would stop paying my mom some months and then he’s get mad at my mom and me pointing it out. One month he was just insulting my mom all month long in texts. He was really pissing us off. I didn’t want him to come over and was preven ting him from doing so he didn’t like that m,uch. He told me he told Dianne about my pqarents when they wetre married sex life. And then he is telling me about it. I told my mom it was making her more mad at him. She was looking to retire from her eyes going bad from macular degeneration. And then he is stopping paying her. After promising to help her retire. He was always letting us know how much more important Dianne is. We began seeing she tells him what he wantsw to hear. Now it is obvious what she does and why she stays around. The personality my dad has scares everyone off. You can’t confront him. Then he is accusing everyone of being passivbe aggrsssive toweards him. He managed to push me, my mom and bothy my uncles with two diffewrent political beliefss out of his life. No one can stand being around him except the person clearly using him. That’s why she still puts up with him. It couldn’t be more clear.
Then one day he is texting me like he loved to do. You have to watch your back especially living with him. He once called my mom out of the blue screaming at her. What do you mean you dodn’t want to see me? He told me he was going to call screaming at her again. So I had no choice to lie and say no I haven’t heard from my mom. Because he wasd upset she wasn’t looking at his texts. I told her don’t look at your texts or answer your phone frrom him he said he was going to scream at you again. He was pacing and breathing heavily in his living room.
He would tell me in text come out now I am mad at you. He would conmfront me me because Satan was provoking him. I didn’t do anything.
One time he came out into his living room and said he was gong to shoot me so I left I fled I coudn’t deal with him anym,ore. That day or the next day I got an order of protection like a restraining order against him. The judge said he may try to contest this. I think in the back of my head I knew he would and kind of hoped he would so thiws could be over! I had enough faith to think I don’t need his money and I will never get another dime from him. He is forever l;ost unless God does a miracle inside him. I knew he is a victim in his own mind. If you ever confront a narcissist and no longer want to put up with it and break free whoa. He now blames me for everything I am sure and nothing about the Hell he gave me and my mom.
One time when IK was avoiding him and not talking to him. He noticed we weren’t having him over either. He texted my mom when can I cdome over. She didn’t know what to say because how he gets so he texted again. Instead of saying she didn’t want to have him over she knew I and him werern’t talking so she said what about Greg. He texted back to my mom “Greg is done fucking with me” then he talked about coming over with his mace and handgun. My mom couldn’t believe it. She didn’t even tell me until a month later. She told our pastor a local judge while I cweas vtelling his wife for months and his brother My uncle Doug what he was putting my mom and me through. He wants to bad mouth my uncler all the time to me then I will tell my uncle about it and whatr he was putting us through. My uncle experienced him personally so he believed me. He also told me someone else tells him that my dad speaks so negatively of him all the time.
I was worried after I got an order of protection. I just experienced all of that and finally broke free from all of it. And I stood up to him with the order of protection. He loves to point fingers back. I didn’t know what he would try to do sgainst me. I am getting a call from the locaql courtr whiole living in Mortel 6 in Flagstaff. Trying to completely separate and start a fast that turned into 40 days this past summer. Something I never did ever. I needed that kind of breakthrough and answers. He gavce me dreams and visions and did one major thing but not the thing I really, really needed him to do. Get me established with hosuing and a job.
The court was contacting me because he was trying to contest it. I wqas told I hasve to be at court on so and so day. I was concerned all week. Even thougfh my mom made it clerar to him when he asked her who she voted for and he exploded on her and when he called her sdcreaming what do you mean you don’t want to see me. And after I fled and she was no longer looking at her te4xts because he loves telling andf gettying mad about it. IO tried using an alternate app so he couldn’t tell he didn’t like that that much tried getting me to use something else and when you deal with someone to thsaty extrme who screams when you disagree with him. It is like I had to keep one eye open at night at asll times. Lviing with him was such a nightmarte. So even after all of that he is still texting her. She knew because even without opening it and looking at it she caqn see and read part of it. He cwas saying I will have my day in court. I will have my dady in court. He as a narcissst thought he haqd something to prove because in his miund he is such a victim when in reality I and my mom were a victim to him.
So the day of court arrived. I showed up. He never came so the judge ruled in my favor. I left frelt releived. I couldn’t believe how easy that really was. Then an hour later I get a call from the court he went to the wrong court they had to reschedule. Only an vidiot forghetful guy like my dad always losing things could possibly do that. I am trying to move on with my life and seek God and go into a fast and he is doing this to me? Let it go I was done with you at this point.
So that day for the new court date came and there he was. The clerk wanted me to wait in the waiting room trhis time. He went right up to the window to check in. In his stupid eye lashes and eye liner and nail polish. I swear even with that he looks like an old woman from afar. He didn’t see me because he went straight to the window. I snuck out behind him. I didn’ty know where to go because the lady clerk wanted me to wait in there. So I just stoofd outside in the hall. He looked over at me and threw up both middle fingers and told me to fuck off and go to hell. Hge egged on a fight. I saw complete darkness glancing at him. He shook me up as I stood by the wall out in the hasll. I wernt to the frront door of the building to a staff working the metal detector telling them what happened and how I had an order of protection. I assumed he would be arrested on the spot and what an idiot. I couldn’t believe he did that. The bailiff who I didn’t know was the bailiff at the time asked me if I was alright and asked ifr I called the police. I thought why shoud I. This is in a court building. He copuld tell I was still shook up. He said I will call them. I thought maybe there might be a cop working inside a court at all times too.
I didn’t want court to go on I thought ity wouldn’t. I thought he was going to jail. But the court clerk called me in. I never looked over at my dad once. The whole proceeding was stupid and a waste of everyones time. My mom thought he would tell how terrible I was. He was pretty quiet most of the time but scolded by the judge several times stiop. Bevcause he would interupt me all the time and say that’s a lie4 that’s a lie. He accused me of taking his gun. I did not take his gun. Hew said he called the police and even went down there and that’s when he was served the order of protecvtion he didn’t know why the copsw did’nt look to find me. Maybe because you had no leg tyo styanbd on and I got you first with the truth and got an order of protection against you. I think God saved me. I am so glad I got that order of protection against him and when I did.
The court waqs going no where and fast. I said to the judge on that day it’s hois word agfainst mine and this is going no where. I said I wish I could have my mom here rigfht now to testify. I did not know it was permitted but from the court room he called my mom. She totally testified against him. My dad was so stupid the question he asked my mom who do you believe me or Greg. My mom didn’t hear him so the judge repeated it. She said she believed me. Of course she is my mother. B ut she knew how my dad was. She confirmed his text a year before where he said Greg is done fucking with me I’m coming over with my mace and handgun. She also confirmed she showed it to our pastor a local judge who the judge proceeding happened to know.
One of the stupidest things that happened was the judge said a cop was sitting in the back of court and he pointed him out and I looked back at him. He had to come up by the judge and testify what he saw on the camera at the court and wqhat the eye witness the lady you check in with saw. Of course they saw no aggression on my part but everything my dad did. The judge ended up ruling in my favor and my mom’s testimony was whjat did it but I think his strupid behavior messed him up too. The judgte said to my dad because of the history of violence I rule to keep this order of protection. My dad asked what it meant. It does come up if it is searched. But since he is retired no one will see it looking for hosuing or a job he’s already got both of those well he is retired. He was going to give me and my mom his house I doubt he is going to do that now or I will see another dime from him. But that day I felt free from him. I notriced that for the first time in my life I frelt completely free like I finally severed and broke all generational curse lines. But the world’s system remains on…. The cop talked to my dad and then me about our sides of my dad;s actions. In court the cop and judge said they can’t give a finalo ruling on what he did. They have thoroughly go over the order ofr protection and now it was going to be left up to the cvity attoerny. Yes an order of protection mewans no contact but in a court it’s different. We are both supposed to speak. It’s some weird law where it is a bit shady. So the judge and cop said the city attorney would decide and it could be mo0nths.
I spent 40 days in a fast that’s how long it lasted. My mom regrets what she did and said she didn’t know the system is as bad as what I have experienced the last 3 years. She ended up retiring and not taking me with her. After all of this helping with her eyes like rides and helping her and we were close and got alonbg living together. And me defening her and standing up to my dad. Shge thoiught I would be fine. I have not been fine. I can’t live with her because she lives in a retirement community.
I have been trying a lot. Last year I was down in Phoenix my hometown and I appplied at over a hundred jobs. What a lot of Americans believe about the system and it is easy to get back on yopur feet is a lie. There aren’t plenty of jobs. And it isn’t so easy to just say to people like I got attacks before trying an online fundraiser before and barely got anything but got mostly attacks just get a job. I have been trying for 3 years. But havcing no previous job history except maybe working 2 or 3 weeks the longest in my life what do I put on an application. Sometimes I will get job interviews with entry level jobs like fast food and grocery and thenm Iget an email they wernt with the better candiodate. I am literally going in circles. I really can’t afford to live by myself and not on disability. I am on affordable housing waiting lists. I was just told the other day evfen though I have been on it for a year it’s still another 2 to 4 years out. What do they exspect? Not everyone is lazy and just doesn’t want to work I keep applying and getting nothing. I really feel called to ministry and making films. And I have vision there. I know it’s crazy to try this again an online fundraiser. I know how hateful and judgemtnal so many are now! I get attacked just get a job. It’s like I don’t want to and probably won’t read comments on my blog or my soicial media posts as I try this again. Maybe some people will show me compassion. I will probably get more attacks then anything unforrunately. I don’t just hope to make this go viral so IK can raise enough money to atleast start over in the place I’m probably walking to Murfreesboro, Tennesssee outside of Nashville. But if there are any people with hosuing or job opportunities for me ik want this to go viral so vI make the right connections. Here if I go to a cvhurch and say I have no job experience do you know anyone who wants to gfive me a chance I get attacked and say we aren’t a job refereal agency or no we don’t know vanyone iof we find anyone we will let you know. Just on social security staying in a hotel and eating out because they don’t have functioing kitchens I run out of my money so fast and I’m back to square one again. I am turned down for jobs all the time. I try. Why should I get attaqcked by hatersw for trying. I need this toi go viral to get connections and compassion and to raise money to start over. Sometimes I end up going to the shelter and trhat is a terrible place to stay long term. It shouldn’t be this way but the system is so corrupt if you need affordable housing you need to wait years for it. I go to the hospital all over the state of Ariozna sometimes flagstaff hospital gives you ambulance rides all the way to hospitals in the phjoenix area. I go for a roof over my head, and food in my stomach and rtest. Atl;east sometimes they have gyms and recreation and art class. But it never works. Everytime I am told by social workers up here and down there thyere is no whered for me to go. I might have more options if I have a drug or alcohol addiciton. So I stay stuck like this. I am now expecting the run arounds. I am very tired of it. I have no hope anymore. Even though I have income I am not eligible gor hosuing I caqn afford yet. I have to wait another 2 to 4 years. I pplay for work and I’m denied everytime. I ask God through intense prayer to do something and he never doesw or hasn’t yet. Maybe this is his will. To see the truth of how corrupt the system really is and I do help people as much as I can. Why do I have to buy a friend named Chris his ID and hand him $20 why couldn’t the local mission do this? I warned him I have heard from everyone that Arizona is one the worst states for helping people get back on their feet and the mentally ill and the homeless. Even though I am no longer bound my past is still used aghainst me. The sytstem is not set up for second chances and a fresh new start. That is reality. Why couldn’t the mssion by his ID why did I have to? They just want him to waste months in their program. It is utterly scary now not knowing what will happen to me and no hope in sight. But if I just go across state lines with no help or plans or this going viral I will remain stuick and worse. My medicaid insurance does not work across state lines. If I have to go to the hospital my insurance woln’t pay for it. I have been in a couple terrible group homes and after a week or two my insurance doesn’t want to pay it so I am asked to leave. I am literally going around and around with no ende in sight well maybe in 2 to 4 years when hosuing becomes available. I need breakthrough now. I shouldn’t have to go through this. And if you want to attack me for this then you make me go through more I don’t need or deserve. But is the risk like this worth it? I hope so. I just want to raisde enough money to start over and maybe I can get enough for my film project idea and my ministry idea too but atleast to start over. So many catch 22s in this world. I am ready for breakthrough and breakthrough all of this. I hope someone somewhere it doeswn’t have to be Murfreesboro or the Nashville area shows compassion and has a place for me to live and a job lined up. Why does this have to be so hard and compolicated when I have income? This could have all been avoided if the system gave afforaqble housing right away and did not have you wait so long. I no longer have friend or family support to help me out. It’s not like I can go live witrh somneone awhile as I wait on housing. I am ready for housing and a job now. The system has completely and utterly failed me. You want t5o attack me I hope your concious rests well at night. This is why I hope there are still good people out there. I didn’t want to have to do this and I didn’t think I would have to. It’s very scary. Doing this shows I am tired and I am not doing it an ymore and I am completyely desperate at this point.